30년 전과 후

30년 전,

아버지는 한동안 집에 들어오지 않았다. 다른 집 아버지들도 마찬가지였다.
어스름이면 엄마랑 아줌마들은 사택을 도는 트럭에 밥과 국을 들통으로 실어 날랐다.
훗날 사람들은 이를 ‘87년 노동자 대투쟁’이라고 불렀다.
그러나 엄마는 ‘노동자’가 아니었다.
그러므로, 집에서 마음 졸이며 우리를 돌보았던 엄마는, 밥과 국을 해 날랐던 엄마는,
기억되지 않는다.  

아랫지방에서 내가 해맑게 트럭을 쫓아다니고 있을 때
나보다 세상을 좀 더 산 어떤 여자들은 왜 투쟁 전과 투쟁 후의 차이가 없는지 고민했다.
니넨 투쟁하는데 왜 우린 여전히 답답한 거지?
왜 여전히 ‘중요한’ 일들은 니네가 하고 우리는 밥이나 나르라는 거지?
왜 그에 대해 말하려 하면 그건 부차적인 거니까 ’대의’를 위해 가만히 있으라 하는 거지?
그래서 여자들은 결심했다. 가만히 있지 않기로.
우리가 직접 우리의 얘기를 하기로.
우리가 알고 있는 많은 여성단체들이 1987년에 생겨난 이유이다.


30년 후,

여전히 ‘대의’를 위해 그 입 다물라고 말하는 일군의 사람들이 있고,
달을 가리키면 달을 봐야지 왜 손가락만 보고 있냐는 사람들이 있다.
그러나 그들에게 어떤 여자들은
네가 가리키는 그것은 달도 아니고 손가락도 아니라고 말하거나,
누구든 달이든 손가락이든 그 무엇이든에 대해 얘기할 자유가 있다고 말하거나,
달도 손가락도 내게는 모두 중요하다고 말한다.

혹은 나처럼,
‘혐오’가 ‘표현의 자유’라면, ‘혐오할 자유’가 성립된다는 얘기인데,
대체 누구에게 어떤 ‘존재’를 혐오할 자유가 있다는 건가. 
라고 써 보기도 한다.

생각해 보면 그래도 이제
"딸들아 일어나라"라는 노래를 "딸들아 일어나라! 깨어라!" 대신
"딸들아 일어나라! 밥해라!"로 개사해 부르면서 낄낄대는 사람은 없다.

이렇게 세상은 아주 더디지만, 조금씩 더 좋아지고 있다.
30년 후에는 또 어떤 모습일지.
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